9 of 12

It kind of seems like time is flying by.  The days are already getting shorter, as we've passed summer solstice, and I don't feel like I've had much time to enjoy summer yet.  BUT it also means that the chemo's are moving along.  When I ripped off the chain link today, I left only three links.  Wow!


My labs are about the same.  
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 
Platelets: 99 thou/mcL 

WBC: 2.9 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 1.9 thou/mcL

My chemo companion today was my friend (and Mt. Mary co-worker) Laura:



It was great to see her and to catch up on work stuff, and family stuff, as Laura has two adorable little ones (1 YO and 3 YO). She also brought some fabulous Ghirardelli brownies, which hit the spot after a long afternoon of chemo!

This was actually my second visit to the cancer center this week, as I woke up Monday with a subconjunctival hemorrhage (red spot in my eye).  They had to check my blood counts, which were normal (for me, on chemo), so all's fine now, but it was just "one more thing" to deal with--since once you're diagnosed with cancer, you can't assume that anything is a small thing.  

I decided to do a medical appointment count again.  Today's visit brought me up to 57 appointments since this all began.  Mind-boggling.  I cannot imagine what this would be like for someone who did not have health insurance.

Speaking of health insurance, they are still refusing to pay for my genetic testing--only covering BRCA1 and BRCA2 but not the other 15 genes known to be linked to breast cancer.  I don't know what will happen, as I was assured that I'd be informed if my portion of the cost was going to exceed $100, and I was never told that it would.  Meanwhile, I just keep getting EOBs with denial of coverage.

I still have the minor annoyances associated with chemo.  I notice greater exhaustion each week (I'm already in bed, writing this at 7:00).  My eyes and nose are still running.  My fingers and toes hurt from the neuropathy.  My vision is still blurry and I'm sensitive to sunlight.  My nails have started to grow out and you can see what horrible things the AC chemo did to them, as there's a line above which the nail is ridged, curved, and yellowish-blue.  My eyebrows continue to drop and my eyelashes, too.  BUT my fuzz on my head is getting even longer, and I see some stubbly black hairs poking through my eyebrow region, too.

I hated to even mention that I'd noticed the return of the cording, because I thought I could handle it myself with the exercises I had last time.  But it's gotten steadily worse, and my whole right arm and shoulder are hard to move.  So I got a referral, and I return to OT tomorrow morning at 7:00 am.  You know I appreciate what OT can do if I'm willing to wake up early enough to make a 7:00 am appointment!  :)  I've missed Audrey (the OT) and she gives amazing massages.

~~~~~

I've done quite a bit of knitting this last week.  I finished Trav's socks:

And I've made good progress on the Noro sweater--even into the lace pattern at the top.  And look--there's sleeves!  I just love these colors.

And today at chemo I finished one washcloth and started another.  

I need to start another pair of socks and get them past the difficult part so I can knit with company again.

8 of 12

(I think I have a formula down for these posts... hope they've not become as boring to read as a Danielle Steel novel...)

Today I felt so lucky--my chemo companion came all the way from California!  This is my dear friend Sam, who was one of my first students at my second job after graduation many years ago.  We got lunch at Whole Foods, and then caught up on the last <ahem> few years of our lives.  She might get me to join Instagram yet...

My labs were fine.  
Platelets: 93 thou/mcL 

WBC: 3.2 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 2.1 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 10.1 gm/dL 

My hair seems to be doing very contradictory things.  For example, my eyebrows are almost totally gone, and I am *terrible* at drawing them in.  Eyelashes are leaving, too.

The other thing that's unbelievably annoying is the loss of my nose hair.  I never gave much thought to what function nose hairs served, but I can tell you that my allergies are in full swing and I now know what nose hairs do...   (I'm continually clutching a kleenex now)


However, I'm doing pretty well growing the peachfuzz on my head.  I came home today and immediately pulled off my scarf (as I often do when I walk in the door) and Cara exclaimed, "you have a hairline!"  It's not a great photo, but I like how my hair kind of forms a glowing halo over my head here:

Finally, I got the coolest gift this week.  We have family friends who are halfway through a two year stay in Singapore.  They got me this print:

It says, "cancer sucks!"


This week my two recently-diagnosed friends have surgery.  One had a mastectomy (with reconstruction) on Monday and the other has a lumpectomy tomorrow.  It's been almost half a year since my surgery, but I can remember it all very clearly.  I'm thinking of those friends and hoping for the best, quickest, recovery possible.  I hope many of you will do the same with this week's good thoughts normally reserved for me.  :)

7 of 12

Today I'm solidly over the half-way mark for "Baby Chemo" (as Dr. Shah calls it).
My labs were good:
Platelets: 108 thou/mcL 
WBC: 3.3 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 2.3 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 10.2 gm/dL
Bailey was my chemo companion, and we had a great time catching up over pizza at Ian's and at the Cancer Center until the Benadryl overtook me and I fell asleep.

There's not much new to add, except that the little things are bugging me and I am (definitely) growing weary of this whole thing.  I talked to Dr. Shah about some of the little things and she said that the pain I've been feeling in my fingertips is actually one of the possible manifestations of peripheral neuropathy.  That's a common side-effect with lots of chemotherapies, and so we will watch that to make sure it doesn't get worse.

Beyond that, I'm still so very tired...  I gave in and took a nap last Friday afternoon when I got home from a half day of work.  It refreshed me so much that I did the same on Saturday and Sunday!  And then I brought a sleeping bag to work just in case...  Didn't use it, but it's nice to know it's there.  I think I might do better spending part of my lunch hour napping than eating.  :)   Everyone (Dr. Shah and those who have been through this cancer journey) tells me it will only get worse as the chemo continues--and into the radiation.  

It's interesting because I have only started to lose my eyebrows (and eyelashes) since being on the Taxol (second set of chemo).  However, I've noticed over the last few weeks (since being on Taxol) that I've got peach fuzz growing on my head (and, unfortunately, my face).  Dr. Shah said that some people start growing hair again with Taxol since it's milder than the AC (original chemo).  I can't tell if it's blond or gray, but it's definitely lighter than my natural hair color.

And I now have a second friend to be diagnosed with breast cancer after me.  I know it's going to keep happening, but it's still shocking.

~~~~~
Additionally, I have some Mom stuff to share.  It's now been a little over a week with a 24/7 live-in.  I think it's going well, and I can certainly say that I'm feeling less stressed, knowing that someone is there for her and I don't have to worry that at least one of us will be home every hour of every day.

Also, Mom had a brain MRI today and it came back clean!  That's about 2 1/2 years since the brain mets were discovered and since her brain surgery.  Definitely reason to celebrate! (If only I had the energy to do so ;))

6 of 12

Today was the halfway mark of my second regimen of chemo.  I know that this is the "milder" chemo, but I really don't like it!  I again had less Benadryl, but it was still enough to knock me out.  And I didn't get steroids, which is great--except I won't get the boost tomorrow and Friday, either!  I think I was more up-and-down when I was still taking the steroids.  Now it's just lower-level yuckiness for 6 days--and I feel pretty good Tuesday afternoon until I get chemo on Wednesday! Still, I'm happy to be taking so many fewer meds.  Six more of these.  Done by mid-July.  I can do this!  :)

My labs were good:
Platelets: 106 thou/mcL 
Abs # neut:  2.2 thou/mcL
WBC: 3.3 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 9.9 gm/dL

My chemo companion was Cara.  She's still recovering from having all four wisdom teeth extracted on Monday, so was able to hang out with me (and watch me sleep!).

I hit a couple milestones cancer-wise this week.  First of all, I hit a point where I'm just sick of being a cancer patient.  I think I told Greg I'd had enough fun (lol) and I was done with it.  Cancer, despite my best attempts, has completely taken over my life.  I guess I knew that it would, and I know it's a limited amount of time, but I'm just so tired of it.  I'm exhausted--each week is noticeably worse.  I'm forgetful.  I have all sorts of little annoyances--the weepy eyes, the running and bleeding nose, horrible peeling cuticles that catch on everything.  And my eyebrows are falling out, which is more upsetting than losing any of the other hair I've lost.  I'm sick of wearing head coverings, but I don't feel comfortable going bald.  And I can't explain just how very tired I am--all the time now. <whine, whine, whine>

The second milestone is that the first friend of mine has been diagnosed with breast cancer after me.  I knew it would happen, given how common it really is, but for some reason, it still surprised me.  I only hope I can be as helpful to her as all my survivor friends have been for me.


~~~~~

I've enjoyed working on the Noro sweater this last week.  Unfortunately, chemo brain won out and it took me three tries to get the (simple) lace done on the bottom of the sweater, but I'm now into the section of just plain stockinette, so I should be good for awhile.  It's such beautiful yarn and changes colors quickly enough that I never get bored with it!

~~~
In addition, I can finally talk about a project I've been part of for several months now.  We've been working on a hope quilt for my childhood-cancer survivor friend Katie.  I haven't quilted in about ten years, and this is the first time I've had a pieced top quilted professionally.  Here's a picture of the finished quilt, with fabric squares contributed by many of Katie's friends:

I wish I had more time (and money) to do more quilting.  I have a box of clothing in my attic for my eventual Mother's quilt, but I don't know when I'll get that done.  Anyway, it was a really fun project.  

~~~

We also got a full-time live-in aide for Mom, and she started this Monday.  So far, I think it's going really well.  Kate is delightful!  She will be splitting time with another aide, who will start this weekend.  What is even nicer is that Kate (and the other aide, I assume) are willing to not only help Mom, but to cook for our family some nights, too.  I've been using way more convenience foods than I like to on the days I work full-time, so this will be such a great help.

~~~

And now I'm off to take a walk with Cara.  I have essentially given up running, as I have lost my energy.  I know it's a vicious cycle where I have no energy, so don't exercise, so I don't have energy, so I don't exercise... :)    I think I'm going to just get through the next 6 weeks of chemo, and then start C25K all over again.  Until then, I'm trying to walk at least a little every day.