Radiation Simulation

Wednesday I had my simulation appointment in the radiation oncology department.  This was to get everything set up for me to start radiation next week.  (Edited to add that I'll be going daily, M-F, from August 5-September 14, at 4:30 each day)

They brought me in and had me lie on the narrow, hard CT scan platform with my arms over my head and my head facing away from my right breast.  There were lasers that lined me up correctly, so I got poked and prodded until I was in the right position.  I was lying on a sort of foam pad that the techs shaped around me while removing the air from it.  This made a form of my upper body so that I'll be in the exact same position every time I get radiation.  

Dr. Schulz (the radiation oncologist) then came in and marked me up with a red Sharpie so the techs knew where to place these stickers with wire on them.  The stickers show up on the CT scan so the lasers can be correctly set to hit the right spots.  Then I had a quick (but uncomfortable) CT scan.  Dr. Schulz looked at it and then came back in and put more marks on me.  Then the techs gave me five tiny little black square tattoos (again, for lining me up correctly in the future).  

I circled the tattoo so you can see it--LOL

The first of the tattoos felt like I was being poked to draw blood. The second felt like I was being poked with a toothpick.  The third and fourth were really painful (low on my sides at the bottom of my ribcage) and the fifth was again a toothpick prick.  Not the most exciting tattoos!  It did get me thinking of what I eventually want tattooed on my "breasts."  There is some beautiful tattoo art on the web (google "post-mastectomy tattoo" to see some), and it is fun to think about designing something unique.

Overall, I feel like my recovery is going very well.  As of this week, I'm feeling more normal than not.  I'm sleeping less and just generally feeling better!  Of course after a great week, I'm really tired today (Friday).  However, I did have a pretty active week this week.

I had my first (and second) drink since before surgery in January.  I went out with my dear friend Nancy on Wednesday for Effen Good cucumber martinis at Bar Louie.  Yum!  And it was so nice to catch up with her.

Thursday we went out with Greg's parents for Travis' (belated) birthday.  Cara and I had been shopping earlier that day and Costco had the cutest maxi dresses on clearance, so we each bought one and wore them that night.

At the risk of jinxing it, it seems like the neuropathy is getting better.  It's not gone, but I can walk farther and my feet are no longer excruciating at night--just sore.

The discoloration of my nails (caused by the AC) is growing out.

I was discharged from OT as the cording went away!  I don't doubt that it'll come back at some point during radiation, but I'm happy to be free of it for now anyway.

I've also started to eat better and exercise more.  I'm using Lose It, and not really making it within my desired calorie counts, but I'm closer.  And I've dropped a few pounds.

I'm beginning to see glimpses of life beyond cancer.  I've started (again) looking to see what full-time jobs are out there.  Not applying yet, but looking.  

Life is good.

Life after chemo

It's taken about a week to compose this blog post in my head.  At least part of that has been the hope that things would get better before I wrote...


There is definitely some good.  I had a wonderful visit with my college (undergrad) roommate Cheryl.  She stocked my fridge and freezer and talked to me not only about cancer, but about not-cancer!  She got me excited about the possibilities of work in the future and maybe (just maybe) some academic/research collaboration.  It was just what I needed!

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And my friend Jim sent me the coolest book, which I am looking forward to reading, for inspiration:

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My hair is coming in for real now, and it's been hot enough in Milwaukee that I stopped wearing head coverings.  It's not a particularly attractive look, but I've been assured that I have a "nicely shaped" head and (like I said) it's too hot to care that much!

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So now it's been ten days since my last chemo.  Mentally, I'm doing GREAT!  I feel that I have more energy and my brain just seems to be working better.  My life had become post-it notes and iPhone memos to myself to remember the simplest things, and it seems like at least some of that part of my memory is coming back to me.  Besides, the knowledge that I no longer have weekly poison coursing through my veins is pretty cool.  :)

But the peripheral neuropathy is bad.  I can handle the numbness and tingling in my fingers and hands--I've learned to be more careful when chopping vegetables!  But my feet are awful.  I know that exercise is good, and I was proud of myself for walking two miles, but each time I've walked very much, I've been up half that night in pain.  I don't know what to do to make it better!  Dr. Shah said she could prescribe medication to help (Lyrica), but I'd rather see if it improves on its own.  I have noticed that it seems to have progressed from pure numbness to pinprick pain, so maybe that's a good sign (?).  I wish I knew whether it was better to keep walking/exercising so as to push through the pain or if it's better to just rest.  I guess I'm pretty happy I have essentially a desk job now.  I could not be doing home visits very easily.  So if any of you have been through this and have tips or advice, I'd really appreciate it!  I know it's not even two weeks, so I need to give it time. Anyone know how much time?  LOL

On the other hand, OT seems to be helping with the cording again.  My range of motion is almost back to normal and the cording itself is much decreased.  I can tell I've lost strength in my arms, so am thinking of getting some small barbells to work on that--something I could do while sitting down.

And it's time to start the weight loss/healthy eating plan again!  My dear friend Susan is going to do "Lose It!" with me and we'll encourage each other.  (If any of you are on and want to join in with the encouragement pact, I'm there with the email loria (at) kjsl (dot) com).  I'm going to try Aqua Zumba with my friend Darcy, too, hoping it will be more gentle on my feet.  And I'm still considering yoga, but am a bit overwhelmed with all the possible levels (and my complete lack of balance and tone).  Still, I have high hopes that I'll be in much better shape by the first of the year--that's how long I'm giving myself to shape up!

12 of 12

OMG.  I. am. done. with. chemo.  Final paper chain link shredded (literally--I ripped it, then Greg shredded it into confetti and threw it over my head ;))

It's still kind of sinking in.  And most of the day was just me smiling.  And people smiling at me.  Friends texting smiley faces.  Doctors and nurses coming by "to see your done-with-chemo-smile".  It was awesome.

Greg was with for my first chemo, and he was with for my last.

My labs were a little iffy, and the automatic counter was down, so we had to wait (and wait...) for the neutrophil count to be done by hand.  Turned out I was okay, though, and cleared for the last one.

Platelets: 91 thou/mcL 

WBC: 2.6 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 1.8 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 10.0 gm/dL 

My survivor friend Lisa brought a beautiful aloe vera plant to the Cancer Center and it was waiting for me when I arrived.  What an awesome surprise!  One of my favorite nurses, Sam, couldn't wait to tell me that someone had brought me a present.  Perfect timing as I'll be starting radiation soon.

This morning I met (for the third time) with the radiation oncologist to discuss the plan for radiation.  I have my pre-radiation simulation meeting set for two weeks from now (7/29).  That's when I get a CT scan to map out exactly where the radiation will go.  I'll also get my first-ever tattoos (nothing fun--just the dots to line up the machine) and have a mold made to hold me in the same, correct location each time I have radiation.  If I feel up to it, I'll start radiation the next Wednesday, which means I could theoretically be done with it all on 9/11/15.  Fingers crossed!

I actually lost about half a pound since last week, but read this depressing article today: 
breast-cancer-survivors-gain-more-weight-study-finds

It's not going to stop me from trying to take off the 32 lbs. total that I gained throughout chemotherapy.  I walked two miles on Sunday and again on Tuesday, which really isn't much, except that I hadn't been able to walk even a mile the last few weeks.  The neuropathy is annoying, and I can't start running (yet), but I'm going to do my best to get walking in.  I'm also hoping that my taste buds bounce back soon and I stop craving carbs so much. 

I'm tempted to start going hat-less.  My hair is coming in, though it's certainly very short and mostly blond (gray?).  The oncology nurses said that in about a month, it'll fill in very quickly.  I'm just so sick of scarves and hats and wigs and when my eyebrows and eyelashes left, I stopped caring much about my appearance.  Still considering...

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I finished the Noro sweater.  Here's a picture of it before blocking:

I've started another pair of socks, but the blurry eyes are cutting down on my knitting time.

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I want to finish by thanking all of you.  I know I'll say it again, but I cannot tell you how much all of your emails, "likes", FB messages, texts, cards, hugs, and warm thoughts (I feel them!) have meant to me.  I promise to pay it all forward as it has all made this journey for me feel like I'm not doing it alone.  Xoxoxo

11 of 12

Almost there...


This was a rough week.  The side effects are building each week and I hit a wall after last week's chemo.  I was queasy, horribly exhausted, my hands and feet were numb and painful, and I just was feeling sorry for myself.  I reached out to three of my breast cancer survivor friends, just wanting them to tell me it gets better!  And all three were wonderful and reassured me that yes, life *would* get better.  :)

OT has been really helpful, though the cording is quite persistent.  

Today my friend Rachel was my chemo companion.  We had a wonderful lunch at Cafe Corazon (my first time there), and had a great time catching up for the first time in years.

Labs still fine:
Platelets: 96 thou/mcL 

WBC: 2.5 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 1.6 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 

Next week will (hopefully) be my last chemo, and I also meet with the Radiation Oncologist to discuss starting radiation.  Dr. Shah said I'll have 3-4 weeks off before I start, so with any luck, I'll be done with radiation by October.  Moving along...

10 of 12

Two left, two left, two left...  I can do this!

Labs:

Platelets: 101 thou/mcL
WBC: 3.0 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 

My friend Jean accompanied me today.  We started with a super fantastic lunch at Tochi, then what seemed like an extra quick chemo appointment.  I think it was a combination of having a lot to talk about, and the fact that I slept in till 9 am, so didn't fall asleep during the chemo!

I don't really have much to add about the treatments, since it's really just more of the same over and over.  I told Greg that I might make a list of all the little things bugging me, starting at the top of my head (hair loss, re-growth, itchiness) and down to the tips of my toes (pain from neuropathy), not to share, but just to remember this delightful time of my life.

I had my first OT appointment last Thursday and it was wonderful.  Audrey reassured me that we can get rid of this cording like we did the last time.  She also commented on how tight my whole shoulders are, and worked on them, too.  I'm eagerly awaiting my visit tomorrow!

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So now a bit of an update on the job situation:

I know that not everyone prescribes to the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, but it's worked pretty well for me.  In keeping with it, I got some news a few weeks ago that truly fits.  The dream job that I blogged about here--the one that put off my start date (supposed to be the week I had surgery in January) and then told me they had a hiring freeze?  Well, it turns out that they were "unable to create a sustainable practice on a largely Medicaid patient volume" and therefore will be closing their doors this month.  So had they allowed me to come on in February like I wanted, I'd now be without a job entirely.

On the other hand, the job that I *do* have--the one I love, which is half time and very accommodating and flexible, and with great people--gave me a contract that expired yesterday.  I am thrilled to report that today I got a new, one year contract--and a teeny hourly raise, too.  (Now I'm *almost* making as much as I was as a grad student)

I also found out about a part-time teaching position (one night a week in the fall) and I've applied for that, too.  If that works out, I'm hoping I'll have more energy by September than I do now and I would so love to be back in the classroom.

So yes, I think things do happen for a reason.