Breast Cancer: The gift that keeps on giving

I apologize in advance for being kinda whiny.  I swear, after my last post, I was all set to get on with living my life.  But unfortunately, that just won't really ever be possible.  Once you've got a cancer diagnosis, nothing in your life will EVER be "nothing" again.

A little over a week ago, I had this strange pain in the middle finger on my right hand.  It felt bruised, hurt to bend, and the top of my right hand also felt bruised.  It seemed as though I'd jammed my middle finger somehow (being naturally clumsy, that would normally be entirely possible, but since I bruise so easily, if that would have been the cause, my whole hand would have been purple, so I was pretty sure that wasn't what caused it).  I wondered for several days if I should "do" something about it (as that pesky "L" word is always at the back of my mind, given that I had 12 lymph nodes removed), and I googled to see if "lymphedema in middle finger" was a thing, but I couldn't find anything that made me think that's what it was.  So I chalked it up to being paranoid/borderline hypochondriac and ignored it.

Monday night my finger swelled up so much that I couldn't see the creases in my knuckle.  I couldn't bend it.  I couldn't put the fingers on my hand together.  And of course it was a holiday evening and I didn't think it was worth a trip to the ER.  But I looked up "exercises for swollen finger" and did some fist clenching and slept (fitfully) with my hand above my heart until I could call the nurse navigator in the morning.

Skipping ahead, I got in to see the OT, Audrey, this morning.  It IS lymphedema.  It's Stage 1, which is reversible.  In addition, my old friend Cording has returned, and there is a lot of scar tissue and lymph blockage post-surgically.  Audrey told me how happy she was that I came in when I did, and that we will work with exercises, lymphatic drainage/massage, and I now get to wear a lovely compression glove and sleeve.

This is the temporary sleeve--I'll get measured for a custom made one sometime next week

At this point I need to wear it day and night, except when showering.  <here comes the whine>  It's hot and tight and itchy and it hurts to bend my arm in it.  It's hard to type or text. And it's really ugly.  I feel like a sausage when you take into account the damn Spanx that cover me from chest to knee and now this.  The part that is annoying me the most is that this is just one more example of how life post-cancer will never be normal again.  (I have heard this from other survivors as well.)  Achy joints aren't necessarily arthritis--they're possibly bone mets or leukemia from the chemo.  Stress headache?  Might be brain mets.  Might be a stomach ache from that enchilada, or maybe it's your liver.  

THIS TOTALLY SUCKS AND CANCER HAS TAKEN OVER EVERY PART OF MY LIFE FROM USING VACATION TIME FOR DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS TO NEEDING TO WEAR A DENTAL APPLIANCE FROM THE SURGICAL INTUBATION TO NEEDING TO BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHING PLACES BECAUSE THE "HOT FLASHES" LEAVE ME DRIPPING AND WHEN I'M FINALLY CLEARED TO RUN AGAIN, THE PAIN FROM THE AROMATASE INHIBITOR MAKES ME WADDLE IN PAIN AFTERWARDS.

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OK, I'm better.  I am very fortunate that I know these^ things.  I know to trust myself when something doesn't feel right.  I have good medical insurance and a wonderful team who will check things out and will be honest with me.  I *did* seek out help at Stage 1 (reversible) lymphedema, and I can do something about it.  I have a wonderfully understanding, flexible job and am surrounded by so much support from family and friends that I wish I could share it with those who don't have the support.  Also, I can ride a bike again--for real.  The new, permanent breast implants do not rub on my arms and make them go numb.    Is it okay, though, if, despite these things, I still hate my new "normal"?