Reconstruction Surgery (check)

Well, it's done.  :)   

I have to say, to those of you who said what a breeze this surgery would be, that I wouldn't call it a breeze.  But I am feeling better by the hour.  Greg and I just took a walk around the block and that didn't kill me.

Some things were slightly different from the first surgery.  For one, it was only 4 1/2 hours.  And the anesthesiologist (different one) didn't have me use the motion sickness patch.  In the short term, that was a bad decision (I was really queasy after surgery and the ride down to the car in the wheelchair and the ride home were decidedly NOT pleasant).  But in the long term, I think it was good.  I never had the vision problems and the nausea went away sometime last night.

I also told the anesthesiologist about my TMJ issues and how bad they got after my first surgery.  So instead of the regular way they put in the breathing tube (where he basically said they pull apart your jaw--which is what TMJ is), he used a fiber optic guide to get it in.  So I don't feel like my jaw's screwed up, although I do feel like my throat is a lot more banged up.  Maybe I'm just less "out of it" this time so the little things annoy me.

So bit by bit, here's what they did:

I decided to have the port-a-cath taken out during this surgery.  I know it's supposed to be minor, (done in an office) but I'd also heard that it hurt a lot, so I figured I might as well have it done while I was under.  Also, why not have my plastic surgeon stitch it up?  Probably more meticulous, right?  He also made that incision way over near my armpit so it'll be less visible (not that I really care, but if I have to go through all this, I might as well take the little perks!).

Then there's the implants.  Dr. Sterkin had to make new incisions under my breasts for them because the incisions used for my mastectomy weren't big enough.  He had thought he'd have to put in alloderm (cadaver skin) on the irradiated side to make room, but ended up not needing to.  Those incisions don't hurt much at all.  I'm bruised but its pretty obvious surgical bruising and not very deep.  I have two drains in (compared to five last time) and they have smaller drain tubes.  I'm sure they'll irritate me just as much in a few days, but for now they're okay.

The big surprise in terms of both pain and appearance is where he harvested the fat to fill out my breasts.  When he described it, it was, "we'll just take some fat from your belly to round out your breasts" and I was all, "hell, yeah!"  But it was liposuction (duh) and holy crap am I bruised!  I have a belly-binder to hold things in, but the bruising on my belly and down my thighs is crazy.  Even the post-op nurse couldn't help but make a surprised noise.  I'm assuming that at least part of it is due to my platelets.  Although they were at 85K for my pre-op bloodwork, they tested them yesterday and they'd dropped to 64K, so I got a platelet transfusion  (Once again, thank you to anyone who donates blood, but especially platelets, as I know it takes longer for them to take out the blood, grab the platelets, and then put the blood back)

Other than the bruising, I'm doing really well.  I refused to fill the prescription for Oxycodone and so far my pain is managed fine with regular Tylenol.  I hope to avoid all those other unpleasant narcotic side-effects, too.  :)

I have my follow-up appointment scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon.  My hope is that the drains will come out and I'll be cleared to return to work--at least parttime.  I'm still kind of bummed to not be able to do Summerfest this year, and I don't think I'll be going to the fireworks on the 4th.  But all in all, this went very well.  I have no doubt it's because of all the positive thoughts and prayers that you all sent my way.  Reading everything on Facebook brought tears to my eyes.  Thank you all for continuing on this journey with me!

Routines and complaints

I started this post on Tuesday, when I was in a particularly cranky mood.  But I didn't hit "post" and some things have improved since then, so that's good.  :)  Updates included in italics.

I haven't written much because there hasn't been a lot to write about!  My life has fallen into a pretty nice routine.  I work full-time.  I do fun stuff many evenings and weekends.  I sleep--hard!

I did a spot check and I'm up to 112 appointments related to the breast cancer.  Yikes.  I'm also essentially done with the clinical trial.  I will have 4 boosters 6 months apart, and the big test is on February 3rd.  That's when they do the DTH to see if my body has developed an immune response to the vaccinations I've been getting (if they're real vaccines or the control).  If my immunology skills/memory is correct, I'm hoping for a response (red swelling) of 10 cm or greater.  

I've had a lot of people ask me how I'm feeling, and it's kind of a strange answer.  It's pretty obvious that the acute part of my treatment is over.  Even though I'm still doing Herceptin every 3 weeks, other than the vision issues the first week or so, it doesn't impact my life that much.  I'm taking the Tamoxifen and (knock wood loudly) it doesn't affect me much either.  However, I've crossed over into the land of long-term side effects.  There are numerous articles on the internet about such side effects (here's one), but they certainly are about as varied as are the short-term side effects of cancer treatments.  Some that have been particularly annoying follow.

*I developed TMJ problems last year. My dentist thinks it's at least partially due to my being anesthetized (and intubated) so long.  I've ground my teeth most of my life, but I didn't have this kind of jaw pain until last spring.  I had gotten to the point where I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to eat a sandwich or even a banana.  So I have a TMJ splint now.  I think it's too early to know whether it's fixing the TMJ, but it certainly has given me a lot of other annoyances.  Much like having braces, it makes my teeth ache and it has cut up my tongue and cheeks.  Besides that, I have this wonderful lisp since I have a big chunk of plastic in my mouth all the time.  Yes, it's an all-the-time splint and not just a night one.  It's hard to eat with it in.  I'm hopeful that it'll help me lose weight at least.  :) (Update: at my 10 day check, my dentist trimmed back the splint and it's a lot less annoying now.  I can tell there's significantly less pain in my jaw and I'm able to open it wider.  My lisp is lessened--though not gone--and I can eat a lot more foods with it in.)

*The radiation oncologist said I could continue to see "tissue changes" for several months after radiation was done.  The plastic surgeon said the same, which is why I won't get my permanent breasts until May or so.  I didn't believe them.  But about a month ago, my right side got really tight, my range of motion decreased, and I felt kind of bruised on my right side ribcage.  It's gotten gradually worse and my right arm is numb a lot of the time.  I've got a call in to the OT to have her measure me.  I hate to even say the dreaded word, but I fear it might be lymphedema.   Hoping it's just those "tissue changes."  (Update: I have an appointment with Audrey the OT on Monday morning.  She will measure me for lymphedema, and work on some lymphatic drainage and stretching.)

*I am still experiencing peripheral neuropathy, which is decidedly worse in the cold.  While the rest of my body is hot-flashing, my feet are always freezing.  And numb.  (Update: issues continue, but the temps are starting to climb back up and I'm hoping to get more walking and/or running in, in hopes that I can decrease the neuropathy that way.  I also went to yoga--once--and am trying to get myself to do that more regularly.  If anyone wants to do the simplest yoga with me on Wednesday nights at 7:30 at CORE El Centro, let me know.  My doctor said having an exercise buddy makes it tougher to back out!)

*I'm tired. I kept telling myself it was because of the chemo or the radiation or the fact that I was working two jobs or working more-than-fulltime or taking care of family.  But here I am, working one plain, ordinary 40 hour a week job.  No more chemo or radiation.  My mom's moved and the kids are pretty self-sufficient.  And I'm still tired.  Really, really, really tired.  Not chemo-so-tired-I-might-cry, but tired.  (See above about yoga--the idea of heading out into the cold at 7:30 when I'm so tired is NOT appealing.)

*Chemo brain is real.  And it's scary.  I've always had a fabulous memory for people, places, recipes, you-name-it.  And I can't remember entire conversations now.  Names?  Not a chance.  I am writing notes to myself everywhere, and sometimes I read those notes and if they weren't in my handwriting, I'd swear I'd never heard what they say.  It's embarrassing.  And it's frustrating.  The one thing I do promise myself is that I will not be upset if someone reminds me of something that I have said or done (or promised to do) and have forgotten.  So if you're reading this and I've forgotten something related to you, please let me know.  It's frustrating and embarrassing, but would be much worse if I weren't reminded.


OK, with all that complaining out of the way, I have to say that I'm still happier than I was my last year in Grad School.  :)

I've been enjoying what wonderful big people my kids have become.  Having Cara home this month has been great and I'll miss her so much when she heads back to the Twin Cities next week.

Cara & I working at Starbucks while Mira attends Girls Who Code

Travis has had a very busy month with finishing the semester, taking finals, writing college application essays, working at Culver's, and practicing for the HS musical (Grease).  He also earned an "A" in his very college course (3rd Semester Calculus).  

Mira is a completely delightful teenager (so far).  She seems to be not-hating the rest of her family as much as of late, and in addition to all her school activities, she's continuing with Girls Who Code at Marquette University and just started taking voice lessons.  And she's selling Girl Scout cookies, too, if anyone doesn't have another source.

All three kids have been great about playing games with Greg and I and we love learning more about them through that outlet.  I don't think I've laughed as much in this last month as I did the entire year before!  December and January have been a wonderful gift.

As I was cleaning out some clutter in my room, I came across the journal that my friend Magda gave me after my surgery.  I used the paper journal to write down things that I didn't really see the need to blog about.  It was the rawer version of my recovery.  And in reading it over, I can see how far I really have come in this last year.  It's easy to think that the acute part of my recovery was easier when it's behind me and the chronic stuff is here now, but reading my journal reminds me just how much easier the "now" is.  I'm glad I have that reminder (especially with how crappy my chemo-brain memory is!  LOL).