Halfway there...

Today was radiation #14 with 14 left to go.  So far, it's been so much easier than chemo (knock wood!) that I don't mind the daily visits to the cancer center.   I had a bit of a rash early on, but Dr. Schulz said it looked like a reaction to one of the lotions I was using.  So much for my love affair with Aquaphor!  I'm now using Vanicream 2x a day and real aloe a third time and the rash seems better.

Unfortunately, this weekend I began to feel just generally yucky again.  The cording seems to be coming back.  And I'm tired... I'm very, very tired.  I'm feeling silly for not taking better advantage of the month where chemo was over and radiation had not yet hit me.

But I've done some fun stuff, including attending a few cookouts; having lunch/coffee/dinner/drinks with friends; walking and running; knitting groups during the daytime and nighttime.  My hair continues to come in.  I bought some temporary pink hair dye, but didn't really like the way it looked.  I'm enjoying having all the kids home for the last few weeks of summer.  And I'm gearing up for fall semester!


Not much new or exciting, but normal is kind of nice, too.

Radiation

This week I started radiation.  My first radiation appointment followed my Herceptin infusion (which will be every 3 weeks for nine months).  The infusion is done in the same place as I got chemo, and in the same manner.  However, it's much quicker since it's only the one drug, plus I don't need pre-meds.  It may sound like a little thing, but I was very proud that I was able to go by myself.

Look--my hair's coming in a bit more!

I met with Dr. Shah, as with before my chemo appointments, and my blood counts are recovering really well.

Platelets:  97K  (I was hoping they'd go even higher, but this is normal for me, so I'll take it)

Hemoglobin:  11.8 gm/dL (That's almost normal, which is 12; mine had gotten as low as 7.0 after surgery and 9.5 during treatment--with taking three iron tabs a day; this is down to 2 a day!)

And I was down 9 lbs. in three weeks!  That's without really dieting--just being a bit more careful about what I eat, and making a conscientious decision to get at least some exercise every day.  It helps that my feet are feeling lots better (still some numbness, but not painful).

One of the things that I have to work on during radiation is weaning off of my Zoloft prescription.  I didn't realize that I'll be starting on Tamoxifen right after radiation (thought I had to get thru the Herceptin first), and Zoloft is incompatible with Tamoxifen.    A 2009 study found that "...women on tamoxifen who were also taking one of three SSRIs -- Paxil, Prozac, or Zoloft -- were about twice as likely to have their cancer come back, compared with women on tamoxifen who were not taking an SSRI...Tamoxifen mixes with a liver enzyme called CYP2D6 in the body to change into the tumor-fighter endoxifen. Many SSRIs block the same enzyme, thus preventing tamoxifen from morphing into its active form."  I've only been on the Zoloft since the end of November (when I found the lump), and I'm only taking 25 mg a day, so I've cut those in half and will take a half tablet for two weeks.  If I crash, there are some non-SSRI anti-depressants that I could use, but I really hope that I'll be able to go without.  I'll have enough foreign stuff in my body for the next 5+ years.  :)

It's also time for my second MUGA scan to check on the damage that the chemo (Adriamycin) did to my heart.  That's scheduled for Tuesday afternoon.  I'll need to have them done every 3 months because Herceptin also causes heart damage.

One kind of cool thing that happened during my appointment with Dr. Shah is that I was offered the chance to participate in a Phase II Clinial Trial.  This trial is for Her-2+ women and it offers a vaccine (NeuVax + GM-CSF) in combination with Herceptin (the control is GM-CSF alone).  I had the initial testing done to see if I qualify (haven't heard yet), but I want to read up a bit more on the vaccine before signing on for sure.  Still, it's exciting to have the possibility to participate and potentially help many people in the future.

Radiation itself is pretty uneventful.  The first appointment took about 30 minutes, which included changing into a hospital gown.  The radiation techs had to line me up with the lasers again (using my tattooed marks) and then they also took a bunch of x-rays to be sure that the plans made last week were correct.  Dr. Schulz came in to double check, and then I had my first treatment.  Thursday was my second treatment and it was only about 15 minutes, as they took fewer x-rays to be sure things were lined up correctly.  Friday was even quicker--I was out of the office before my scheduled appointment time!  I'm hit five times--each ranges from 10 to 20 seconds and comes at me from a different angle.  I feel nothing (other than a bit of claustrophobia when the machine pivots over my head), but the awkward position I'm in, combined with the strange noises make it impossible to think of anything other than the fact that I'm being hit with radiation.  I really need to learn some meditation.  This is kind of what the machine looks like.  

Hey--it's even aimed at the same spot for me!

I've only got 25 left to go.


And after last week's post, my friend Rob sent me this XKCD comic, which I'd forgotten existed:

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I continue to be amazed at how truly wonderful it is to feel better.  I'm not 100% better, and I've developed some fun additional annoyances (the chemically-induced menopause is causing delightful hot flashes), but overall, I just feel good.  And happy!

I'm having fun spending time planning for the future.  My friend Nikki took Travis' senior pictures on Wednesday (her photography business is Ashley-Jordan Photography and I highly recommend her; she took Cara's pics, too).  I'll share some pics when I get them back.  High school registration is on Monday, so we have all the paperwork for that, including the calendar--which has commencement on it.  Gulp!

I spent most of my work day on Friday registering for recruiting events for work.  I'm most excited to be able to travel to UW - La Crosse (where I got my undergrad degree and where Greg and I met) in October, but I'll be going to a few graduate fairs in Illinois and one in Madison, as well as some local ones, too.  And I'm looking forward to it.

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This week I even got back to running.  I decided to start all over with the Couch to 5K (C25K) program and the timing is such that I hope to be able to complete it in time to run 5K for the Panther Prowl in October.  The first day was awful--my feet felt like bricks.  The second day was still bad, but today (third day) actually felt *good*!  Mind you, at this point, I'm doing 60 seconds of running, followed by 90 seconds of walking, so it's really not much.  But it's something.  :)

The timing could not be better, as my friend Alice shared this article today on how moderate exercise may make tumors more likely to respond to radiation.  Go, me!

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I want to close with a round-up of some of the fun stuff since my last post:
*A wonderful time at the World Breastfeeding Week walk (and Fondy farmer's market), complete with adorable babies all over
* The ZAP dinner--a campfire theme
*A Thai lunch (and catching up) with my friend Katie
*An evening running errands and being silly with my kids
*Dinner (and shopping) with my friend Michelle
*Coffee (and Target) with my friend Chelsea
*Beautiful surprise flowers from my survivor friend Susie

The card says, "Wear some cool boots.  Cool boots make you feel like you can handle anything."
and on the inside, "Or at least kick it really hard."

Life continues to be good.  Very good.

Radiation Simulation

Wednesday I had my simulation appointment in the radiation oncology department.  This was to get everything set up for me to start radiation next week.  (Edited to add that I'll be going daily, M-F, from August 5-September 14, at 4:30 each day)

They brought me in and had me lie on the narrow, hard CT scan platform with my arms over my head and my head facing away from my right breast.  There were lasers that lined me up correctly, so I got poked and prodded until I was in the right position.  I was lying on a sort of foam pad that the techs shaped around me while removing the air from it.  This made a form of my upper body so that I'll be in the exact same position every time I get radiation.  

Dr. Schulz (the radiation oncologist) then came in and marked me up with a red Sharpie so the techs knew where to place these stickers with wire on them.  The stickers show up on the CT scan so the lasers can be correctly set to hit the right spots.  Then I had a quick (but uncomfortable) CT scan.  Dr. Schulz looked at it and then came back in and put more marks on me.  Then the techs gave me five tiny little black square tattoos (again, for lining me up correctly in the future).  

I circled the tattoo so you can see it--LOL

The first of the tattoos felt like I was being poked to draw blood. The second felt like I was being poked with a toothpick.  The third and fourth were really painful (low on my sides at the bottom of my ribcage) and the fifth was again a toothpick prick.  Not the most exciting tattoos!  It did get me thinking of what I eventually want tattooed on my "breasts."  There is some beautiful tattoo art on the web (google "post-mastectomy tattoo" to see some), and it is fun to think about designing something unique.

Overall, I feel like my recovery is going very well.  As of this week, I'm feeling more normal than not.  I'm sleeping less and just generally feeling better!  Of course after a great week, I'm really tired today (Friday).  However, I did have a pretty active week this week.

I had my first (and second) drink since before surgery in January.  I went out with my dear friend Nancy on Wednesday for Effen Good cucumber martinis at Bar Louie.  Yum!  And it was so nice to catch up with her.

Thursday we went out with Greg's parents for Travis' (belated) birthday.  Cara and I had been shopping earlier that day and Costco had the cutest maxi dresses on clearance, so we each bought one and wore them that night.

At the risk of jinxing it, it seems like the neuropathy is getting better.  It's not gone, but I can walk farther and my feet are no longer excruciating at night--just sore.

The discoloration of my nails (caused by the AC) is growing out.

I was discharged from OT as the cording went away!  I don't doubt that it'll come back at some point during radiation, but I'm happy to be free of it for now anyway.

I've also started to eat better and exercise more.  I'm using Lose It, and not really making it within my desired calorie counts, but I'm closer.  And I've dropped a few pounds.

I'm beginning to see glimpses of life beyond cancer.  I've started (again) looking to see what full-time jobs are out there.  Not applying yet, but looking.  

Life is good.

Life after chemo

It's taken about a week to compose this blog post in my head.  At least part of that has been the hope that things would get better before I wrote...


There is definitely some good.  I had a wonderful visit with my college (undergrad) roommate Cheryl.  She stocked my fridge and freezer and talked to me not only about cancer, but about not-cancer!  She got me excited about the possibilities of work in the future and maybe (just maybe) some academic/research collaboration.  It was just what I needed!

~~~~~

And my friend Jim sent me the coolest book, which I am looking forward to reading, for inspiration:

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My hair is coming in for real now, and it's been hot enough in Milwaukee that I stopped wearing head coverings.  It's not a particularly attractive look, but I've been assured that I have a "nicely shaped" head and (like I said) it's too hot to care that much!

~~~~~

So now it's been ten days since my last chemo.  Mentally, I'm doing GREAT!  I feel that I have more energy and my brain just seems to be working better.  My life had become post-it notes and iPhone memos to myself to remember the simplest things, and it seems like at least some of that part of my memory is coming back to me.  Besides, the knowledge that I no longer have weekly poison coursing through my veins is pretty cool.  :)

But the peripheral neuropathy is bad.  I can handle the numbness and tingling in my fingers and hands--I've learned to be more careful when chopping vegetables!  But my feet are awful.  I know that exercise is good, and I was proud of myself for walking two miles, but each time I've walked very much, I've been up half that night in pain.  I don't know what to do to make it better!  Dr. Shah said she could prescribe medication to help (Lyrica), but I'd rather see if it improves on its own.  I have noticed that it seems to have progressed from pure numbness to pinprick pain, so maybe that's a good sign (?).  I wish I knew whether it was better to keep walking/exercising so as to push through the pain or if it's better to just rest.  I guess I'm pretty happy I have essentially a desk job now.  I could not be doing home visits very easily.  So if any of you have been through this and have tips or advice, I'd really appreciate it!  I know it's not even two weeks, so I need to give it time. Anyone know how much time?  LOL

On the other hand, OT seems to be helping with the cording again.  My range of motion is almost back to normal and the cording itself is much decreased.  I can tell I've lost strength in my arms, so am thinking of getting some small barbells to work on that--something I could do while sitting down.

And it's time to start the weight loss/healthy eating plan again!  My dear friend Susan is going to do "Lose It!" with me and we'll encourage each other.  (If any of you are on and want to join in with the encouragement pact, I'm there with the email loria (at) kjsl (dot) com).  I'm going to try Aqua Zumba with my friend Darcy, too, hoping it will be more gentle on my feet.  And I'm still considering yoga, but am a bit overwhelmed with all the possible levels (and my complete lack of balance and tone).  Still, I have high hopes that I'll be in much better shape by the first of the year--that's how long I'm giving myself to shape up!

12 of 12

OMG.  I. am. done. with. chemo.  Final paper chain link shredded (literally--I ripped it, then Greg shredded it into confetti and threw it over my head ;))

It's still kind of sinking in.  And most of the day was just me smiling.  And people smiling at me.  Friends texting smiley faces.  Doctors and nurses coming by "to see your done-with-chemo-smile".  It was awesome.

Greg was with for my first chemo, and he was with for my last.

My labs were a little iffy, and the automatic counter was down, so we had to wait (and wait...) for the neutrophil count to be done by hand.  Turned out I was okay, though, and cleared for the last one.

Platelets: 91 thou/mcL 

WBC: 2.6 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 1.8 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 10.0 gm/dL 

My survivor friend Lisa brought a beautiful aloe vera plant to the Cancer Center and it was waiting for me when I arrived.  What an awesome surprise!  One of my favorite nurses, Sam, couldn't wait to tell me that someone had brought me a present.  Perfect timing as I'll be starting radiation soon.

This morning I met (for the third time) with the radiation oncologist to discuss the plan for radiation.  I have my pre-radiation simulation meeting set for two weeks from now (7/29).  That's when I get a CT scan to map out exactly where the radiation will go.  I'll also get my first-ever tattoos (nothing fun--just the dots to line up the machine) and have a mold made to hold me in the same, correct location each time I have radiation.  If I feel up to it, I'll start radiation the next Wednesday, which means I could theoretically be done with it all on 9/11/15.  Fingers crossed!

I actually lost about half a pound since last week, but read this depressing article today: 
breast-cancer-survivors-gain-more-weight-study-finds

It's not going to stop me from trying to take off the 32 lbs. total that I gained throughout chemotherapy.  I walked two miles on Sunday and again on Tuesday, which really isn't much, except that I hadn't been able to walk even a mile the last few weeks.  The neuropathy is annoying, and I can't start running (yet), but I'm going to do my best to get walking in.  I'm also hoping that my taste buds bounce back soon and I stop craving carbs so much. 

I'm tempted to start going hat-less.  My hair is coming in, though it's certainly very short and mostly blond (gray?).  The oncology nurses said that in about a month, it'll fill in very quickly.  I'm just so sick of scarves and hats and wigs and when my eyebrows and eyelashes left, I stopped caring much about my appearance.  Still considering...

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I finished the Noro sweater.  Here's a picture of it before blocking:

I've started another pair of socks, but the blurry eyes are cutting down on my knitting time.

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I want to finish by thanking all of you.  I know I'll say it again, but I cannot tell you how much all of your emails, "likes", FB messages, texts, cards, hugs, and warm thoughts (I feel them!) have meant to me.  I promise to pay it all forward as it has all made this journey for me feel like I'm not doing it alone.  Xoxoxo

11 of 12

Almost there...


This was a rough week.  The side effects are building each week and I hit a wall after last week's chemo.  I was queasy, horribly exhausted, my hands and feet were numb and painful, and I just was feeling sorry for myself.  I reached out to three of my breast cancer survivor friends, just wanting them to tell me it gets better!  And all three were wonderful and reassured me that yes, life *would* get better.  :)

OT has been really helpful, though the cording is quite persistent.  

Today my friend Rachel was my chemo companion.  We had a wonderful lunch at Cafe Corazon (my first time there), and had a great time catching up for the first time in years.

Labs still fine:
Platelets: 96 thou/mcL 

WBC: 2.5 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 1.6 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 

Next week will (hopefully) be my last chemo, and I also meet with the Radiation Oncologist to discuss starting radiation.  Dr. Shah said I'll have 3-4 weeks off before I start, so with any luck, I'll be done with radiation by October.  Moving along...

10 of 12

Two left, two left, two left...  I can do this!

Labs:

Platelets: 101 thou/mcL
WBC: 3.0 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 

My friend Jean accompanied me today.  We started with a super fantastic lunch at Tochi, then what seemed like an extra quick chemo appointment.  I think it was a combination of having a lot to talk about, and the fact that I slept in till 9 am, so didn't fall asleep during the chemo!

I don't really have much to add about the treatments, since it's really just more of the same over and over.  I told Greg that I might make a list of all the little things bugging me, starting at the top of my head (hair loss, re-growth, itchiness) and down to the tips of my toes (pain from neuropathy), not to share, but just to remember this delightful time of my life.

I had my first OT appointment last Thursday and it was wonderful.  Audrey reassured me that we can get rid of this cording like we did the last time.  She also commented on how tight my whole shoulders are, and worked on them, too.  I'm eagerly awaiting my visit tomorrow!

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So now a bit of an update on the job situation:

I know that not everyone prescribes to the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, but it's worked pretty well for me.  In keeping with it, I got some news a few weeks ago that truly fits.  The dream job that I blogged about here--the one that put off my start date (supposed to be the week I had surgery in January) and then told me they had a hiring freeze?  Well, it turns out that they were "unable to create a sustainable practice on a largely Medicaid patient volume" and therefore will be closing their doors this month.  So had they allowed me to come on in February like I wanted, I'd now be without a job entirely.

On the other hand, the job that I *do* have--the one I love, which is half time and very accommodating and flexible, and with great people--gave me a contract that expired yesterday.  I am thrilled to report that today I got a new, one year contract--and a teeny hourly raise, too.  (Now I'm *almost* making as much as I was as a grad student)

I also found out about a part-time teaching position (one night a week in the fall) and I've applied for that, too.  If that works out, I'm hoping I'll have more energy by September than I do now and I would so love to be back in the classroom.

So yes, I think things do happen for a reason.