Breast Cancer: The gift that keeps on giving

I apologize in advance for being kinda whiny.  I swear, after my last post, I was all set to get on with living my life.  But unfortunately, that just won't really ever be possible.  Once you've got a cancer diagnosis, nothing in your life will EVER be "nothing" again.

A little over a week ago, I had this strange pain in the middle finger on my right hand.  It felt bruised, hurt to bend, and the top of my right hand also felt bruised.  It seemed as though I'd jammed my middle finger somehow (being naturally clumsy, that would normally be entirely possible, but since I bruise so easily, if that would have been the cause, my whole hand would have been purple, so I was pretty sure that wasn't what caused it).  I wondered for several days if I should "do" something about it (as that pesky "L" word is always at the back of my mind, given that I had 12 lymph nodes removed), and I googled to see if "lymphedema in middle finger" was a thing, but I couldn't find anything that made me think that's what it was.  So I chalked it up to being paranoid/borderline hypochondriac and ignored it.

Monday night my finger swelled up so much that I couldn't see the creases in my knuckle.  I couldn't bend it.  I couldn't put the fingers on my hand together.  And of course it was a holiday evening and I didn't think it was worth a trip to the ER.  But I looked up "exercises for swollen finger" and did some fist clenching and slept (fitfully) with my hand above my heart until I could call the nurse navigator in the morning.

Skipping ahead, I got in to see the OT, Audrey, this morning.  It IS lymphedema.  It's Stage 1, which is reversible.  In addition, my old friend Cording has returned, and there is a lot of scar tissue and lymph blockage post-surgically.  Audrey told me how happy she was that I came in when I did, and that we will work with exercises, lymphatic drainage/massage, and I now get to wear a lovely compression glove and sleeve.

This is the temporary sleeve--I'll get measured for a custom made one sometime next week

At this point I need to wear it day and night, except when showering.  <here comes the whine>  It's hot and tight and itchy and it hurts to bend my arm in it.  It's hard to type or text. And it's really ugly.  I feel like a sausage when you take into account the damn Spanx that cover me from chest to knee and now this.  The part that is annoying me the most is that this is just one more example of how life post-cancer will never be normal again.  (I have heard this from other survivors as well.)  Achy joints aren't necessarily arthritis--they're possibly bone mets or leukemia from the chemo.  Stress headache?  Might be brain mets.  Might be a stomach ache from that enchilada, or maybe it's your liver.  

THIS TOTALLY SUCKS AND CANCER HAS TAKEN OVER EVERY PART OF MY LIFE FROM USING VACATION TIME FOR DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS TO NEEDING TO WEAR A DENTAL APPLIANCE FROM THE SURGICAL INTUBATION TO NEEDING TO BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHING PLACES BECAUSE THE "HOT FLASHES" LEAVE ME DRIPPING AND WHEN I'M FINALLY CLEARED TO RUN AGAIN, THE PAIN FROM THE AROMATASE INHIBITOR MAKES ME WADDLE IN PAIN AFTERWARDS.

~~~~~

OK, I'm better.  I am very fortunate that I know these^ things.  I know to trust myself when something doesn't feel right.  I have good medical insurance and a wonderful team who will check things out and will be honest with me.  I *did* seek out help at Stage 1 (reversible) lymphedema, and I can do something about it.  I have a wonderfully understanding, flexible job and am surrounded by so much support from family and friends that I wish I could share it with those who don't have the support.  Also, I can ride a bike again--for real.  The new, permanent breast implants do not rub on my arms and make them go numb.    Is it okay, though, if, despite these things, I still hate my new "normal"?

Burritos as big as a chihuahua

Surgery ✓
Chemotherapy ✓
Radiation ✓

Back in December, when I got the initial results of the biopsy, Deb (the nurse navigator) called me and did an awesome job of meeting me where I was at with regards to what the future might hold.  She explained that they didn't have all the specifics of my cancer, but that there are four main methods to treat breast cancer and that my particular treatment could be a mix of any of them.  They were:

Surgery

Chemotherapy

Radiation

Hormone therapy

Lucky me, I get to have all four.  But today, I completed the third of these--and what I hope to be the end of the most life-interrupting.  I still have Herceptin infusions every three weeks till spring, and I'll have five years of hormone therapy, and I know I'll have frequent follow-ups, but these were the biggies.

At Columbia St. Mary's, they have a triangle on the wall of the radiation oncology department and when you're done with your last radiation, you get to ring it.  I walked out of my last treatment, excited to ring the triangle, and Greg was there, waiting for me with flowers.  I couldn't believe what an emotional moment it was and I teared up.

So radiation was done and to celebrate, the family (minus Cara) went to BelAir Cantina and ate burritos "as big as a chihuahua."

(Cara--dad wore his Hamline tee so it was almost like you were there with us)

They were fantastic--as were the house margaritas.  Unfortunately, before the radiation appointment, I'd had my pre-clinical trial bloodwork done, where they took six vials of blood. Note to self: margarita after losing that much blood is not the best idea.  That was a REALLY good margarita!  

I am a little embarrassed at how excited I am to be able to resume doing something now that radiation is over.  What is it?  This:

(probably not as excited as my family and friends are)

I'll write more in a few days, probably, including lovely details of my last week of treatments. But for now I really need to head to bed.  Must be that margarita.  :)

Radiation Simulation

Wednesday I had my simulation appointment in the radiation oncology department.  This was to get everything set up for me to start radiation next week.  (Edited to add that I'll be going daily, M-F, from August 5-September 14, at 4:30 each day)

They brought me in and had me lie on the narrow, hard CT scan platform with my arms over my head and my head facing away from my right breast.  There were lasers that lined me up correctly, so I got poked and prodded until I was in the right position.  I was lying on a sort of foam pad that the techs shaped around me while removing the air from it.  This made a form of my upper body so that I'll be in the exact same position every time I get radiation.  

Dr. Schulz (the radiation oncologist) then came in and marked me up with a red Sharpie so the techs knew where to place these stickers with wire on them.  The stickers show up on the CT scan so the lasers can be correctly set to hit the right spots.  Then I had a quick (but uncomfortable) CT scan.  Dr. Schulz looked at it and then came back in and put more marks on me.  Then the techs gave me five tiny little black square tattoos (again, for lining me up correctly in the future).  

I circled the tattoo so you can see it--LOL

The first of the tattoos felt like I was being poked to draw blood. The second felt like I was being poked with a toothpick.  The third and fourth were really painful (low on my sides at the bottom of my ribcage) and the fifth was again a toothpick prick.  Not the most exciting tattoos!  It did get me thinking of what I eventually want tattooed on my "breasts."  There is some beautiful tattoo art on the web (google "post-mastectomy tattoo" to see some), and it is fun to think about designing something unique.

Overall, I feel like my recovery is going very well.  As of this week, I'm feeling more normal than not.  I'm sleeping less and just generally feeling better!  Of course after a great week, I'm really tired today (Friday).  However, I did have a pretty active week this week.

I had my first (and second) drink since before surgery in January.  I went out with my dear friend Nancy on Wednesday for Effen Good cucumber martinis at Bar Louie.  Yum!  And it was so nice to catch up with her.

Thursday we went out with Greg's parents for Travis' (belated) birthday.  Cara and I had been shopping earlier that day and Costco had the cutest maxi dresses on clearance, so we each bought one and wore them that night.

At the risk of jinxing it, it seems like the neuropathy is getting better.  It's not gone, but I can walk farther and my feet are no longer excruciating at night--just sore.

The discoloration of my nails (caused by the AC) is growing out.

I was discharged from OT as the cording went away!  I don't doubt that it'll come back at some point during radiation, but I'm happy to be free of it for now anyway.

I've also started to eat better and exercise more.  I'm using Lose It, and not really making it within my desired calorie counts, but I'm closer.  And I've dropped a few pounds.

I'm beginning to see glimpses of life beyond cancer.  I've started (again) looking to see what full-time jobs are out there.  Not applying yet, but looking.  

Life is good.

Life after chemo

It's taken about a week to compose this blog post in my head.  At least part of that has been the hope that things would get better before I wrote...


There is definitely some good.  I had a wonderful visit with my college (undergrad) roommate Cheryl.  She stocked my fridge and freezer and talked to me not only about cancer, but about not-cancer!  She got me excited about the possibilities of work in the future and maybe (just maybe) some academic/research collaboration.  It was just what I needed!

~~~~~

And my friend Jim sent me the coolest book, which I am looking forward to reading, for inspiration:

~~~~~

My hair is coming in for real now, and it's been hot enough in Milwaukee that I stopped wearing head coverings.  It's not a particularly attractive look, but I've been assured that I have a "nicely shaped" head and (like I said) it's too hot to care that much!

~~~~~

So now it's been ten days since my last chemo.  Mentally, I'm doing GREAT!  I feel that I have more energy and my brain just seems to be working better.  My life had become post-it notes and iPhone memos to myself to remember the simplest things, and it seems like at least some of that part of my memory is coming back to me.  Besides, the knowledge that I no longer have weekly poison coursing through my veins is pretty cool.  :)

But the peripheral neuropathy is bad.  I can handle the numbness and tingling in my fingers and hands--I've learned to be more careful when chopping vegetables!  But my feet are awful.  I know that exercise is good, and I was proud of myself for walking two miles, but each time I've walked very much, I've been up half that night in pain.  I don't know what to do to make it better!  Dr. Shah said she could prescribe medication to help (Lyrica), but I'd rather see if it improves on its own.  I have noticed that it seems to have progressed from pure numbness to pinprick pain, so maybe that's a good sign (?).  I wish I knew whether it was better to keep walking/exercising so as to push through the pain or if it's better to just rest.  I guess I'm pretty happy I have essentially a desk job now.  I could not be doing home visits very easily.  So if any of you have been through this and have tips or advice, I'd really appreciate it!  I know it's not even two weeks, so I need to give it time. Anyone know how much time?  LOL

On the other hand, OT seems to be helping with the cording again.  My range of motion is almost back to normal and the cording itself is much decreased.  I can tell I've lost strength in my arms, so am thinking of getting some small barbells to work on that--something I could do while sitting down.

And it's time to start the weight loss/healthy eating plan again!  My dear friend Susan is going to do "Lose It!" with me and we'll encourage each other.  (If any of you are on and want to join in with the encouragement pact, I'm there with the email loria (at) kjsl (dot) com).  I'm going to try Aqua Zumba with my friend Darcy, too, hoping it will be more gentle on my feet.  And I'm still considering yoga, but am a bit overwhelmed with all the possible levels (and my complete lack of balance and tone).  Still, I have high hopes that I'll be in much better shape by the first of the year--that's how long I'm giving myself to shape up!

11 of 12

Almost there...


This was a rough week.  The side effects are building each week and I hit a wall after last week's chemo.  I was queasy, horribly exhausted, my hands and feet were numb and painful, and I just was feeling sorry for myself.  I reached out to three of my breast cancer survivor friends, just wanting them to tell me it gets better!  And all three were wonderful and reassured me that yes, life *would* get better.  :)

OT has been really helpful, though the cording is quite persistent.  

Today my friend Rachel was my chemo companion.  We had a wonderful lunch at Cafe Corazon (my first time there), and had a great time catching up for the first time in years.

Labs still fine:
Platelets: 96 thou/mcL 

WBC: 2.5 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 1.6 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 

Next week will (hopefully) be my last chemo, and I also meet with the Radiation Oncologist to discuss starting radiation.  Dr. Shah said I'll have 3-4 weeks off before I start, so with any luck, I'll be done with radiation by October.  Moving along...

10 of 12

Two left, two left, two left...  I can do this!

Labs:

Platelets: 101 thou/mcL
WBC: 3.0 thou/mcL
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 

My friend Jean accompanied me today.  We started with a super fantastic lunch at Tochi, then what seemed like an extra quick chemo appointment.  I think it was a combination of having a lot to talk about, and the fact that I slept in till 9 am, so didn't fall asleep during the chemo!

I don't really have much to add about the treatments, since it's really just more of the same over and over.  I told Greg that I might make a list of all the little things bugging me, starting at the top of my head (hair loss, re-growth, itchiness) and down to the tips of my toes (pain from neuropathy), not to share, but just to remember this delightful time of my life.

I had my first OT appointment last Thursday and it was wonderful.  Audrey reassured me that we can get rid of this cording like we did the last time.  She also commented on how tight my whole shoulders are, and worked on them, too.  I'm eagerly awaiting my visit tomorrow!

~~~~~
So now a bit of an update on the job situation:

I know that not everyone prescribes to the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy, but it's worked pretty well for me.  In keeping with it, I got some news a few weeks ago that truly fits.  The dream job that I blogged about here--the one that put off my start date (supposed to be the week I had surgery in January) and then told me they had a hiring freeze?  Well, it turns out that they were "unable to create a sustainable practice on a largely Medicaid patient volume" and therefore will be closing their doors this month.  So had they allowed me to come on in February like I wanted, I'd now be without a job entirely.

On the other hand, the job that I *do* have--the one I love, which is half time and very accommodating and flexible, and with great people--gave me a contract that expired yesterday.  I am thrilled to report that today I got a new, one year contract--and a teeny hourly raise, too.  (Now I'm *almost* making as much as I was as a grad student)

I also found out about a part-time teaching position (one night a week in the fall) and I've applied for that, too.  If that works out, I'm hoping I'll have more energy by September than I do now and I would so love to be back in the classroom.

So yes, I think things do happen for a reason.

9 of 12

It kind of seems like time is flying by.  The days are already getting shorter, as we've passed summer solstice, and I don't feel like I've had much time to enjoy summer yet.  BUT it also means that the chemo's are moving along.  When I ripped off the chain link today, I left only three links.  Wow!


My labs are about the same.  
Hemoglobin 9.7 gm/dL 
Platelets: 99 thou/mcL 

WBC: 2.9 thou/mcL
Abs. neut: 1.9 thou/mcL

My chemo companion today was my friend (and Mt. Mary co-worker) Laura:



It was great to see her and to catch up on work stuff, and family stuff, as Laura has two adorable little ones (1 YO and 3 YO). She also brought some fabulous Ghirardelli brownies, which hit the spot after a long afternoon of chemo!

This was actually my second visit to the cancer center this week, as I woke up Monday with a subconjunctival hemorrhage (red spot in my eye).  They had to check my blood counts, which were normal (for me, on chemo), so all's fine now, but it was just "one more thing" to deal with--since once you're diagnosed with cancer, you can't assume that anything is a small thing.  

I decided to do a medical appointment count again.  Today's visit brought me up to 57 appointments since this all began.  Mind-boggling.  I cannot imagine what this would be like for someone who did not have health insurance.

Speaking of health insurance, they are still refusing to pay for my genetic testing--only covering BRCA1 and BRCA2 but not the other 15 genes known to be linked to breast cancer.  I don't know what will happen, as I was assured that I'd be informed if my portion of the cost was going to exceed $100, and I was never told that it would.  Meanwhile, I just keep getting EOBs with denial of coverage.

I still have the minor annoyances associated with chemo.  I notice greater exhaustion each week (I'm already in bed, writing this at 7:00).  My eyes and nose are still running.  My fingers and toes hurt from the neuropathy.  My vision is still blurry and I'm sensitive to sunlight.  My nails have started to grow out and you can see what horrible things the AC chemo did to them, as there's a line above which the nail is ridged, curved, and yellowish-blue.  My eyebrows continue to drop and my eyelashes, too.  BUT my fuzz on my head is getting even longer, and I see some stubbly black hairs poking through my eyebrow region, too.

I hated to even mention that I'd noticed the return of the cording, because I thought I could handle it myself with the exercises I had last time.  But it's gotten steadily worse, and my whole right arm and shoulder are hard to move.  So I got a referral, and I return to OT tomorrow morning at 7:00 am.  You know I appreciate what OT can do if I'm willing to wake up early enough to make a 7:00 am appointment!  :)  I've missed Audrey (the OT) and she gives amazing massages.

~~~~~

I've done quite a bit of knitting this last week.  I finished Trav's socks:

And I've made good progress on the Noro sweater--even into the lace pattern at the top.  And look--there's sleeves!  I just love these colors.

And today at chemo I finished one washcloth and started another.  

I need to start another pair of socks and get them past the difficult part so I can knit with company again.

One down!

Today was a long day at Water Tower Medical Commons.  I feel like my brain is tired, so I apologize for disjointed thoughts in this post.

The day started with OT and Audrey was pleased and surprised to learn that the cord released, and when she took ROM measurements, I'd exceeded all the goals she'd initially set for me, so she discharged me.  One more thing to cross off the list!

I then had blood drawn (using the port-a-cath--yay!) and my blood work came back all good (platelets 107K; hemoglobin up to 10.5) so was cleared to start chemo.

I was lucky enough to have two amazing people accompany me on this first chemo experience.   Greg started the day, even canceling his office hours so he could be there through the appointment with Dr. Shah.

When Greg had to leave, my dear friend Chelsea came to sit with me.  I love that she's as fascinated with the whole experience as I am, asking questions of the nurses just like I always do!  And I was able to catch up with her on all sorts of things in her life, too.  It was just what I needed.

The funniest thing happened when I was having my blood drawn initially.  The nurse noted that my port-a-cath was located rather low, and commented about another patient she had whose port-a-cath was even lower.  She raved about what a wonderful person this woman was and said that she hoped I'd get to meet her sometime as she always made the nurse smile.  So as I was being infused, my friend Lisa stopped by, as she had just been getting radiation downstairs.  Lisa is the friend I mentioned who has the same diagnosis, most of the same doctors, and is roughly 6 months ahead of me in treatment.  So we're chatting and the nurse comes over and says, "oh, you've met Lisa.  She's the one I was telling you about!"  Such a small world.  And so cool to have a surprise visit.


The infusions began with pre-chemo meds (steroids and anti-nausea meds), and I felt nothing odd other than the metallic taste when the port was flushed before and between meds.  Next the obnoxiously red adriamycin was given by IV injection into the port.  I guess that's because it's a vesicant, so they have to be extra careful and watch it all go in.  To be safe and hopefully avoid mouth sores (although Dr. Shah said there is no evidence that it helps), I sucked on ice the whole time it was injected.  Finally I got the Cytoxan by IV drip.  I couldn't explain what exactly it made me feel like, but there was definitely a feeling of something being "off" while not being bad enough to even mention to the nurse. As she was disconnecting me from the IV, she ran down a list of common side effects (dizzy? tired? queasy?) and then got to "burning feeling in your nasal passageway" and I said, "YES!"  It was kind of a strange, sorta sinus-but-not-really-sinus headache.  Unfortunately, it's still there, combined with some tiredness (likely because I didn't sleep well last night).  I think I'll be taking it easy tonight, maybe knitting and watching some Buffy.

Speaking of Buffy, I don't think I've mentioned that I've decided to use Buffy the Vampire Slayer as my visualization.  Because I'm trained as a Scientist, I don't have much belief in many of the alternative medicines--especially those that could potentially interfere with allopathic meds.  But there are some that I believe cannot cause harm, and they allow me a bit of feeling in control.  The ice during adriamycin is one.  The other is the use of visualization.  I was first taught this technique as a child by my parents.  They taught my brother and I to "wish the warts away" and I remember my dad explaining the immune system to us, and how we could imagine it attacking the virus that caused our warts, and the phagocytes clearing the destroyed wart away.  Many cancer patients visualize the chemotherapy as PacMan, eating the cancer cells.  Greg and I started watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" on Amazon Prime right around the time of my diagnosis (we're in the last season now), and I woke up in the middle of the night, early after diagnosis, with the idea that the chemo is like Buffy and her team of friends, and the cancer cells are like vampires.  I love the idea of the two wrestling, but the chemo eventually staking the cancer cells, which dissolve into dust.

I was sent home with prescriptions for three meds (Zofran 2x/day for 5 days, Decadron 2x/day for 3 days, and Compazine as needed) and over-the-counter things to buy to counteract side-effects from the meds given to counteract the side-effects of the chemo.  UGH!  I'll be going in tomorrow morning to get my first Neulasta shot, so have been taking Claritin to help with *those* side-effects.  Oh, the meds...

Mira had made me a paper chain to count down my treatments, with 4 big purple links for the AC's and 12 thinner green links for the TH's.  It was pretty nice to be able to RIP that first purple link!

Recovery continues

Moving right along...

Today's been a great healing day.  As I've previously complained about (here and here and here and here), I have the never-ending cording issue in my right armpit.  My OT, Audrey, told me last week that I had won the award for most persistent cording she's ever worked with.  Yay, me!    Cording is a build-up of lymphatics that presents as (of course) a cord.  Audrey said that it usually gradually improves, but sometimes she's heard of it just releasing and that it's not painful or dangerous when it releases--it's just a rare occurrence    So I've been doing my stretches and exercises and massages religiously, and it seemed like the cording was getting a little less intense, but it was hard to tell. This morning I was getting ready for work when I reached down and felt/heard a snap.  I instantly felt my right armpit and yay! it appears that the main cord released.  I actually had about four cords in the same area, so it's not 100% better, but it is so very much better that I nearly cried.

This afternoon I had another appointment with the plastic surgeon and he removed the stitches from the repair surgery and said I'm healing wonderfully.  I am clear (as long as my blood counts are fine) to start chemo tomorrow!

~~~~~

Finally, I've had some time to work on the recovery cardigan since I've been home a lot.  There's good and bad news about it.  The good news is that I'm done with ALL the knitting and just need to do some sewing of seams and LOTS of weaving in ends before I can wear it.  The bad news is that the pattern was inaccurate in the amount of yarn needed.  The last thing you knit is the collar, which stretches the entire length of the below-the-knee cardigan. And I ran out of one of the four colors needed for the stripes on the collar.  What's more annoying, I have two entire skeins of other colors that were extra.  I'm not very happy with Lion Brand Yarn right now, because even if I had gone to buy more of that particular color (it's "cilantro" in case anyone is curious), it would not be the same dye lot and would likely look even worse.  So I remedied it by knitting half as many rows of "cilantro" as all the other colors in the collar.  It remains to be seen how it all ends up looking, but I also wrote Lion Brand Yarn an email, explaining my utter disappointment after all the time invested in this project.

The joy of being busy

This week is the first week in two months where I'd say I'm really, truly *busy*--and it feels great!

*Tutoring Math at Mt. Mary (Tuesday)

*Starting my new (20 hours/week) job at UW-Milwaukee, where I've got an LTE position through June as an Administrative Program Specialist in the Zilber School of Public Health (my alma mater ;))  I am so grateful that Zilber took me back--especially after the other, un-named job cancelled on me.  It's a very busy time of the semester, and the hours I'm there fly by.

*Lots of medical appointments, including two OT sessions, a pre-op appointment, and surgery on Wednesday (to repair the incision opening)

*Parent meeting for the middle school musical (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat!) on Tuesday night

*Night knitting on Thursday

*Girl Scout cookie pick-up on Friday (with delivery to begin this weekend)

*Superbowl party make-up date on Sunday


It's all good stuff and I'm excited at the new normalcy.

~~~~~

A few details on the medical stuff, for those who are interested:

My therapy is kinda stalled, it seems.  My left side is (IMO) back to pre-surgery, so I'm just doing some basic strengthening (although I certainly feel strong enough on that side).  Unfortunately, my right side still has significant cording.  Both the OT and I feel that the cords are softening, so maybe it'll eventually heal, but not yet.  My ROM is really good on that side, too and it's only the cording that prevents me from being back to normal.  I've attended my initial 5 appointments, and insurance has approved some additional work due to the cording.  I feel SO much better after leaving an OT appointment, as Audrey does a great job releasing the muscles that get so tight between appointments.

I've been diligently cleaning and wet-packing the incision on the left, and watching for signs of infection (I've not seen any).  Dr. Sterkin was happy with the way the wound looks and he told me how he'll repair it tomorrow (simple trimming of the edges and back wall on top of the chest muscle, then stitching in a horizontal line).  I'll go back in a week to have the stitches out, and should be able to start chemo the week after that!  So if all goes well, I'll start on March 4th.  That's only a 3 week delay.  Fingers crossed!  Unfortunately, I have apparently developed Mondor's disease, which should clear up on it's own.  I just feel like I wouldn't mind not having to experience every possible side-effect!

More therapy & good thoughts request

I had my second therapy appointment today and I liked this one much better!  Last week Audrey showed me all sorts of exercises and took measurements to see how I'm starting.  Today she took a few measurements (my "good" arm improved 14 degrees and my "bad" arm improved 30), but most of the day involved massage!  The first thing she did was lymphatic massage, following the flow of this diagram, on my back and arms:

Lymphatic massage is a relatively new addition to PT and OT.  I remember when they taught it to my mom following her second (but not her first) knee replacement.  Audrey said she did a training about two years ago.  It's very gentle--so gentle that it's hard to believe it works!  :)

She then worked a lot on my right arm and the cording there.  She was able to release a lot of the muscles, but that cording is just not really budging.  Guess I'll have to keep going back!  She also taught me scar massage--to release and prevent any adhesions.  She said my scars are very loose, so that's good, too.

I was excited that after the first rounds of massage, I was able to roll completely to my left side and she did some additional massage on my right shoulder.  

I know I should be happy with my progress--the left side is almost back to normal, and the measurements on the right are going well--but I want it all better right now!  :)   I also asked about resuming running, but I have to get permission from the plastic surgeon for that (next week I will ask).

~~~~~

I spent much of the morning imitating a cat: sitting in the sun and playing with yarn.  Between the Super Bowl (what a disappointment--most of our guests could not get in for our party--whether coming from Waukesha or even the near East side; only one die-hard couple braved the elements, and we're so glad they did!) and this morning, I knit the left front of the recovery cardigan:

~~~~~

And now the request for good thoughts...

Tomorrow I have three tests--the MUGA heart scan and then the bone scan and CT scan to test for metastasis.  This is the last bit of unknowns in terms of my diagnosis (the "M" in the cancer staging), and I'm trying not to freak out about it.  All the doctors have said it's highly unlikely to have metastasized, but they were also all surprised to find the cancer in my lymph nodes, so I'm not finding their comments as comforting as I should.  It's too late to ask for white light and positive energy to prevent mets, but I can ask for it to send me calming vibes through the tests, and then the worst part for me--the waiting for results afterwards.  Thanks in advance :)

Therapy

Yesterday was my occupational therapy (OT) evaluation appointment.  Even though I was a pre-Physical Therapy (PT) major for awhile as an undergrad, I have to say that I'm not exactly sure the difference between PTs and OTs.  And I had thought I was going to see a PT, but I am, in fact, seeing an OT.  And she is also wonderful.

One of my fears with all of the treatments I'm going through is lymphedema.  Every treatment (surgery, axillary lymph node removal, chemo, radiation) increases the likelihood of its occurrence, and since I get the full package, that's a lot of risk factors!  There's not a lot known about exactly what causes lymphedema or even fully how to prevent it, and there's no cure, so the best "treatment" is to catch it early and maintain it at an early level.  So I have some exercises to try to prevent it, and to treat another, related side-effect that I do have--cording.  I think the cording was responsible for much of the sensitivity I've been complaining about.  I got a great handout on preventing it, and how to best ease into movements after surgery from the therapist.  Sure wish they made it a part of the pre-surgical information they gave me! 

I have been babying my arms and movements so much the last three weeks that I was pleasantly surprised at how much I am now allowed to move--and how much I was actually able to move.  I think I might have overdone it a bit, though, as I'm pretty sore today!  Still, I was almost able to lie on my side in bed last night, although only for a little while.

~~~~~~~

Other big events in the last two days include attending TWO knitting groups (the daytime one and the nighttime one that I'd been trying to start since last summer), being out of the house for a 6 1/2 hour stretch without flopping from exhaustion, doing a little house cleaning, and putting a camisole on over my head (as opposed to stepping into it)!  That and continued socializing and Buffy watching.  The back of the recovery cardigan is done, as are the pockets:

The kids have busy weekends (Congress, Forensics, birthday party, Girl Scouts, work...) and Greg's out of town tomorrow and we're having some friends over for the Super Bowl so I have to figure out what to make.  All good things keeping me busy--very good things!